Just a thought for what happens when a guy confesses to a girl. This doesn't apply to my current situation tho. Just a thought to share. :)

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It's easy to say someone is adorable, but don't spit the beans and say you like me.
How can you say I'm your type? when you never saw my other sides?

In clubs, I'm a devil. The only thing you see and like is probably my seducing body.
In bookstores, I'm a quiet angel. The only thing you see and like is probably my innocent smile.
At parties, I'm a dressed up princess. The only thing you see and like is probably my elegance.
In the city, I'm a sharp OL. The only thing you see and like is probably my intelligence.

Are you really sure that I'm your type?

Would you still think I'm sexy, when I lose shape from aging?
Would you still pamper me like a baby, when you realize I know how to drink and smoke socially?
Would you still spoil me like a princess, when you see that I could nag like a mom to my love ones?
Would you still admire me, when you find out I can't locate myself in a new city?

I could wake up for fresh air in the mountain at 6 in the morning; I could sit at pub at 3 in the morning for long talks. I could spend my whole afternoon reading Chinese literature; but doesn't mean I could fall for you coz you write me poems in calligraphy.

I sometimes watch NBA, but it doesn't mean I enjoy talking about Michael Jordan. If you don't understand how important bookstores and shopping malls are to me, how can you say you know me?

You can say you adore me. Don't tell me you like me. Having feelings for someone is rare and precious. When you don't even know me, it's not that simple to just fall in love.

Don't say a thing that's not happening.
 

a letter i wrote to my bro...

frankly this email is not gonna be pleasant. coz i will write about the parents situation.

we develop our personalities, start to have our OWN strong opinions, and think we know what to do to be happy. in your case, you dont feel u will be happy if they visit you. sure thing.

you know what u want. now its time to stop being self-centered and think, "what do they want?"

ur marks were not any more impressive in states than when u were in taiwan, but YOU wanna study oversea, SURE! they let you.
u were in a bad situation last year, they could force u to go to a different high school..
but YOU wanna stay in the same school, SURE! they let u.
u wanna pursue a career field that they feel its not worth investing in, but YOU want to, SURE! they let you.
they prefer u to live with a family, but YOU wanna live on your own, sure, they let u.
and ect.

YOU want this, YOU want that. overall, they let you. maybe u just think its something parents SHOULD do for kids anyway. i cant change the way u think but i have two things to point out:

1.) if they feel like they need to withdrawl their support from you, they dont have to do anything about you.
2.) while they did so many things for u throughout your entire life so far, "what were the great things you did for them?"

point #1:
 - they dont have to spend any money. they dont have to let you get what u want in ANYTHING.

point #2:
 - think really hard. in your more than 17 years of life, what GREAT things you did for them? or.. it doesnt even need to be "great" things. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR THEM?

they sacrifice so much for you. is it really that much to ask to sacrifice two weeks of freedom for them?

lastly, i cant change u from being spoiled into a grateful person. i cannot change u if you do not already see the good things about them. go ahead and be ungrateful all you want, but you need to stop hurting them. maybe u're doing it without knowing, but you need to stop being so harmful to our parents when all they want is the best for you.

i have time to listen to ur problems coz i can see things from ur point of view more than our parents. im actually happy that im the one that u come to when u have problems. a lot of times, i argue FOR you coz i know where u're coming from. but i do not have time to listen to you complaining about something that should've been a blessing. our parents are not perfect, but they are great.

stop over reacting and get over yourself. face the fact that they will ALWAYS AND FOREVER care about you coz thats just what parents do.

i got your back when u need me. but bashing our parents? i really can't bring myself to do that. i would feel guilty. i'm sorry on this one.

nothing but good intentions,
"ru,3ru,3"

im sorry im just really upset about this right now.

i need to learn how to handle stress better. i need to learn how to put others before myself even during my bad days. i need to learn not to hold bad attitudes when im unhappy about something. i need to learn to express my opinion and illustrate my points in a less defensive way. i need to learn how to be straight-forward but not harmful. i need to learn to appreciate the fact that i dont have the bad qualities i see in other ppl. i need to learn not to try to change them, to correct them, or to make them feel dejected. i need to learn how to learn the above things.

it's enough. there's only so much i can handle.

midterms one after another. when the stress piles up, ur whole body system is screwed.

so much happened..

a person i know recently discovered cancer. it hurts for me to know that cancer will add on to her already really bad situation. funny u hear stories about cancer all the time but its hard to register that in ur head when someone around u gets it.

sometimes i wonder what's in me that made me deserve such wonderful ppl in my life. i feel like i've grown so much with these ppl and as long as i know that they are there, the worst possible days dont seem to be so bad anymore.  its sad to know that some of them are graduating soon. Vin, Maxine, and Tony specially. i'll miss them dearly.

it really frustrates me that im unable to spend time with tony due to all the midterms.. one more month til he graduates. ONE month!!! i didnt realize that until today when we were having lunch and Alex just brought it up, "so, one more month for u eh, tony?" its at that time i almost choked! well, i guess i knew all along. my head just didnt register that. i know he'll come back and hangout and we'll go to toronto too. but it just makes me sad that things will be different.. he will no longer be there when i walk around the block for free meals he cooks or for the comforting power he always provides; he cant decide last min if he wants to come over to USE my cooking talent or my tv(jp jp!); i cant call him any time during the day or nite coz he will have a life thats so different from the remaining of us;  we cant just act on our ideas of what to do at the minute (just drive to niagra falls the nite before final exams).. what to do, where to go, when will it be and ect all need to be PLANNED; and many many things that come to my head at this moment. i know a big part of my life will be different w/o him physically being here. anyway, the part about tony will stop here. i think it'd be better to tell him how great he is in person than on xanga. =)

saw a friend today. 10 mins into our conversation he revealed that he used to like me in first year. and why didnt i know? i was too slow. and then he told me how i always had friends around and i was always busy at socializing. he didnt feel like i would need him, or need anyone at the time. and i was so used to hangout with guy friends that dinner alone with him meant nothing to me while he was nervous the nite before. then again, i looked like i didnt need anyone at the time. wow, i learned something about myself today. as for being slow.. i think i've been like that and im still slow now. ohhwell.

i think someone is trying to hook me up with someone. haha.. its always me trying to hook ppl up, when did it become my turn this time huh?

My friends always come to me for relationship problems so that says something about my opinions about relationships things?? then it came to me that maybe i dont know better? a while ago i thot the time of me loving someone the most in my life had passed. maybe ill love again but once u've devoted so much for one person in exchange of a broken heart, it will never be the same when u love again?? but then.. maybe i dont know what love is? was that so called 'love' that i felt? arghhhh.. heck with it, why am i even on xanga? i have two more to go!!

sorry for the long blog.. thank u for reading thru it.. i really appreciate all u guys in my life. =)